Category Archives: Humour

Lucky little piggy

If you’re having suckling pig this Christmas,

Spare piggy a thought.

He may taste better stuffed than you,

But his life is very short.

Lucky little piggy.

Lucky little swine.

Sage and onion up your arse.

Sealing wax up mine.

Featured image by TIMOTHY H.

How I got stuffed by a Christmas turkey

Believe it or not this story is true – Well, almost.

This is my favourite personal Christmas story which brings back memories of when I was a pretentious thirty-something. Then I believed, rather foolishly, that roasting the biggest turkey you could get, at Christmas, was a status symbol of note. Thank the lord those days are now long gone. Continue reading How I got stuffed by a Christmas turkey

How I survived a jungle trek in Thailand

Rohun Bevan, is an ex-English tennis player, amateur jungle trekker, swims like a shark and until yesterday was a friend of mine. Over a glass of wine a week or so ago he suggested that I may like to enjoy a leisurely Saturday followed by a couple of beers and join him on the ‘Hash House Harriers’ Saturday run, which he quickly changed to walk as I choked on my drink. I hesitantly agreed and at 3.15pm on the following Saturday we assembled, along with 100+ others, at a clearing in the forest behind Tesco supermarket in the Chalong area of Phuket. Continue reading How I survived a jungle trek in Thailand

How to plan a public transport trip in Phuket

People often ask me how the public transport works in Phuket and why the buses drive so slowly. It’s not always easy to explain but I think this true story as told to me and recounted, almost verbatim, should give anyone a fairly good insight. It’s a lovely story and I can vouch for its authenticity. Continue reading How to plan a public transport trip in Phuket

Excitement in the village

The term MPV has just taken on a new meaning in our village. Why spend a fortune on a conventional four wheel MPV when you can get a great ‘Platinum’ three-wheeler like this for a fraction of the cost?

I nearly fell off my walking shoes when I turned the corner at 6.45am this morning and saw this really cool dude selling dried chilies and garlic from the back of his hot-rod.

But that’s not all. He was baiting his line by serenading the farmer’s wives with some very smooth modern Thai music which he played at a very acceptable volume. What a pleasant change from the, normally, ear-splitting, distorted stuff that gets blasted at us several times a week from the tops of telegraph poles linked around the villages.

Unfortunately, even since the alarm clock was invented, successive governments seem to think that we need to be scared shitless before dawn just in case we forget to get out of bed. It has obviously not occurred to the authorities that there is a distinct possibility that one or two, frail, older folk or those of nervous disposition might die from the shock.

Back to the MPMB. I was so taken with the vehicle, which was indeed multi-purpose, that I forgot to ask the vendor where he came from. Everything was brand spanking new; the sides dropped down for loading, the PA system was ‘state of the art’ and his leather bomber jacket and suede trilby set the whole thing off to perfection.

Then I had to rush after the monk who was just finishing his morning alms round as I needed to ask him something before he got back to his temple hideaway.

Home at last
Home at last

If you live in New York you probably think this is trivial stuff but, here in Northern Thailand, we don’t get excitement on this level very often!!