EPISODE FOURTEEN – RETURN TO PHUKET
“I owe my success to having listened to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.” (G.K. Chesterton 1874 – 1936)
The descent into Phuket airport in the daytime is spectacular; suddenly below the clouds a profusion of tiny tropical islands appear, bursting with life in their photosynthetic quest, as though erupting from the sparkling waters of the Andaman Sea.
As luck would have it
Arriving back at base camp I set up my laptop, logged on and picked up my latest emails and just look at this. What more can I win? Last month it was the lottery when I was listed as a very substantial unclaimed prize winner. Now, just read this. Wow! I must be the luckiest man on the planet.
From: tom white [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org]
Sent: Saturday, June 28, 2008 7:34 PM
To: Jim King
Subject: Hello Mr. James King,
This is a personal email directed to you and I request that it be treated as such. I am Barrister Tom white, a solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney/sole Executor to the late Mr.Randolf King. Herein after referred to as ‘my client’ who worked as an independent oil magnate in my country and who died in a car crash with his immediate family on the 4th of Oct, 1998. Since the death of my client in Oct, 1998, I have written several letters to the Embassy with intent to locate any of his extended relatives whom shall be Claimants/beneficiaries of his abandoned personal estate and all such efforts have been to no avail. More so, I have received official letters in the last few weeks suggesting a likely Proceeding for confiscation of his abandoned personal assets in line with existing Laws by the bank in which my client deposited the sum of 13.8 million U.S.D. On this note I decided to search for a credible person and finding that you bear a similar last name, I was urged to contact you, that I may, with your consent, present you to the “trustee” bank as my late client’s surviving family member so as To enable you put up a claim to the bank in that capacity as a next of kin of my Client. I find this possible for the fuller reasons that you bear a similar last name with my Client making it a lot easier for you to put up a claim in that capacity. I propose that 45% of the net sum will accrue to you at the conclusion of this deal in so far as I do not incur further expenses. Therefore, to facilitate the immediate transfer of this fund, you need, first to contact Me via email signifying your interest and as soon as I obtain your confidence, I will Immediately appraise you with the complete details as well as fax you the documents, with Which you are to proceed and I shall direct on how to put up an application to the bank.
HOWEVER, you will have to accent to an express agreement which I will forward to you in Order to bind us in this transaction.
Upon the receipt of your reply, I will send you by fax or E-mail the next step to take. I will not fail to bring to your notice that this proposal is hitch-free and that you should not entertain any fears as the required arrangements have been made for the completion of this transfer.
Like I said, I require only your solemn confidentiality on this.
Barr. Tom H.White.
It’s interesting to note that he spotted that I have a ‘SIMILAR’ last name to that of the deceased. I wonder if he realised how similar? His PC must have been red hot because Google tells me there are 74 million people also with precisely the same ‘similar’ name.
It was a real surprise to see that http://www.419baiter.com had this email on its scam list and the only reason I recorded it in my diary was in case I get short of a few million dollars sometime then I can give Tom a buzz!
What a beautiful day it is here at Kata Beach. Hot and sunny but not too humid. They say it rained for five days prior to my return and that I have brought the sunshine. That is so typical of these charming people and their complimentary nature. I have no intention of working today as it is already three thirty pm. In fact I intend to relax for a couple of days just to recover from the rigors of two weeks in Bangkok. Some unpolluted sea air won’t go amiss.
I invited my new found friend Nin to join me for dinner. We went to my favourite rustic timber and thatch reggae restaurant high on the hill overlooking Kata Noi beach. Although I am sure it is quite secure you can easily feel that you might topple over the edge at any time. The best description I can give you is that it resembles a giant tree house. The resident live band was still playing its well-honed repertoire of Bob Marley classics to a very sparse audience. It was, after all, out of season.
That’s something I don’t really understand when the weather is always near perfect, the southern hemisphere is in mid-winter and England’s summer looks decidedly un-summery. I watched a little of the last ‘one day international’ cricket on TV, which was played at Bristol, my birthplace, and noticed the spectators wearing anoraks to keep them warm. I remembered what it’s like; I used to play there in my youth. I think I prefer ‘out of season’ here.
Nin had sensibly brought along a Thai/English dictionary to help us communicate more easily. Unfortunately it was of the very miniature pocket kind and with the establishment’s unsophisticated lighting system we needed the assistance of the built in torch on her cell phone. Lots of laughs later I attempted to assist the band with their English or should I say Jamaican pronunciation. Whilst the musicians were able to replicate the sounds pretty accurately the vocals were largely unrecognisable. I helped them through ‘Stand up for your lights’ and ‘Don’t wolly bout a ting’ quite well but this band has no fear, mind you they were stoned by now, and I’m sorry to admit that I backed down when they launched into ‘Liver deep mountain high”.
Apparently ‘Lots of Laughs’ is now depicted by LOL as an abbreviation. Or is it ‘Laugh out Loud’? I found this out recently when a good friend of mine used it in every sentence. As I am so well-mannered, in truth I was too embarrassed to ask her, I asked around and, in fact, it was some time before I found someone who knew. This made me feel a whole lot better. Discovering that I was not the only one out of touch with up to the minute buzz words and phrases was most comforting.